Lord, I’m Tired

3And Elijah was afraid and arose and ran for his life, and he came to Beersheba was about ninety miles south of Jezreel and was not part of Ahab’s kingdom. Beersheba which belongs to Judah, and he left his servant there. 4But he himself traveled a day’s journey into the wilderness, and he came and sat down under a juniper tree and asked [God] that he might die. He said, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers.” 5He lay down and slept under the juniper tree, and behold, an angel touched him and said to him, “Get up and eat.”

1 Kings 19:3-5 AMP

Have you ever been tired? I’m not talking about a normal fatigue as a result of one night of no sleep, or the feeling that you have after alot of activity. I’m talking about tired as a result of prolonged stress, pressure, opposition, or isolation. In the passage above, we see the prophet Elijah who had recently acted under God’s authority and power to slay the prophets of baal at Mount Carmel, after raising a young man from the dead, and announcing a drought over Israel. I highlight these events because Elijah had been completing mighty tasks that were entrusted to him by God, but what many may not understand is that though God enabled him to complete these great works, it didn’t remove the weight of the responsibility, and stress that Elijah felt.

I want to discuss what one can feel when God has called them for more. After Elijah slayed the false prophets of baal at Mount Carmel, he may have thought that he would experience an “easy ride” afterwards. This means that things would have calmed down, God would remove opposition from Elijah’s life because he had just been obedient to God’s word and performed a great miracle. People would rejoice at what Elijah had just done, and begin to serve God wholeheartedly as a a result of Elijah’s faith and obedience. None of this happened, as a matter of fact, the opposite happened; after Elijah slayed the false prophets of baal, he was faced with his greatest threat to that point at the hands of Jezebel. Elijah fled to the wilderness, not only to hide from Jezebel, but also because I believe that he was tired from his labors, and the responsibility that came with his assignment. Oftentimes there is a great mental and physical cost to serving God. Elijah’s behavior in the passage above is a great example of that reality. To most people on the outside, Elijah should have been overjoyed, on an emotional high, and ready to complete additional great acts for God, but instead he asked God for something very contrary to God’s intent for him.

he came and sat down under a juniper tree and asked [God] that he might die. He said, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take my life, for I am no better than my fathers.”

1 kings 19:4

Why would Elijah ask God for death? This might seem crazy to you, but I’d ask you to reflect for a moment on how you feel after you’ve just accomplished a great task that drained you physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually, AND didn’t receive a thank you from anyone…..especially the folks whom it benefitted. I’d also like you to reflect on an occasion when after doing something for God, or with pure/good intentions you received hate or condemnation from people. Elijah was experiencing pain and grief from both of these types of situations because the people of Israel had become so familiar with ungodliness and sin that they refused and didn’t understand how to live God’s way. Therefore they couldn’t appreciate or even recognize what God had done through Elijah. On the other hand, Jezebel was so committed to a pagan lifestyle and the power that she wielded over the people of Israel, that God’s moves through Elijah threatened her rather than inspiring a positive change in her life. These levels of ungratefulness, and disdain contributed to Elijah’s present stage of fatigue/tiredness. However, the actions of the people wasn’t responsible for Elijah’s present state of mind; it was Elijah’s own mind/actions that caused his depression. Elijah didn’t have a healthy view of his role in God’s plans. Elijah was NOT the miracle worker, he was the vessel that God USED to work his miracles and deliver his word at THAT time. It is easy for us to get like Elijah and place ourselves between God and man in an unhealthy way where we internalize situations that we aren’t in control of, and wasn’t meant to carry. It’s also easy for us to lose control of our tongue, and thoughts when we are tired, leading us to utter words, and dwell on thoughts that are contrary to God’s promises for our lives. Now we may not talk like Elijah and ask God to allow us to die, but how often have you spoken negatively about your life as in verbalizing how you were no good, or that your prayers wouldn’t be answered, or that God doesn’t care about your desires and needs, or some other unhealthy behavior. When we equate God’s love to our circumstances, then we are setting a bad place for ourselves, because God’s love goes beyond what we may feel or be experiencing at the moment.

This topic and post is personal to me because over the past few weeks I’ve been in a stressed state. There is alot of change going on in my life that can feel overwhelming at times. I typically feel in control of what is going on around me, but in this new season of life I have very few things that I can control, much of it I have to entrust it to God, and believe that he is faithful to his word. I choose to believe that God will never leave me nor forsake me, I choose to believe that he will guide my steps, I choose to believe that he cares for my needs, AND I choose to REST in the Lord. Now these aren’t always easy choices to make, in fact its easier to reject God’s promises and operate in personal efforts because that can feel safer. Now, and in the future, unlike Elijah in this moment I will make every effort to remember God’s promises, thank God for what he has done for me in the past, and more importantly believe that he will do even greater in my future. I’ve lost rest, experienced overeating, a lack of peace, and even doubt, not because God isn’t capable, but because I lost focus and grew tired. Fatigue isn’t a sin, because we all will experience it, I just challenge you that the next time you find yourself becoming tired, or in a place of burnout, that instead of you fleeing from your God-given responsibilities, and losing trust in God; you instead lean wholeheartedly into his promises.